Again.

This is my 2nd try at a weight loss blog.  I'm using it more as a diary, just to get my thoughts about my weight and body out into the open rather an internalizing it all.

Another reason I titled this first post "again" is because here I am, trying to lose weight again.  I go in cycles of doing well with loss, and then crashing and gaining it all again.  And again. And again.  And I'm tired of it.

So far this year I've lost nearly 13lbs.  Or 14.  I can't remember where I started at.  Maybe 204lbs or 203lbs.

Anyway, for the second day in a row I'm at 190 (I'm not going to use decimals here.  Makes it easier to remember).  I haven't been in the 180s for 2 1/2 years.  My goal for right now is 175, which was my weight when I got married and which I haven't seen for nearly 8 years now.  But my weight at my first pregnancy (183) is what I got down to before.  I'm sort of afraid of getting down to it again and, again, crashing.  I'm afraid I can't do this.  I'm afraid I can't make it stick.


But there are a few differences this time.  This time I'm focusing more on my health and not my weight. The end results should be the same, but the frame of mind is different, and I think this one might be better.  I'm excited for it, as well as afraid.  Inside of me there is a feeling of empowerment that I'm trying to focus on and give a place to grow.

So here I am, 5'6.5", 190lbs