Well, it's been a month.

A whole month! This has been the most frequently and most consistently I've ever worked out ever.  And I still really don't like it.  But it's working. Left is Jan. 25th, right is Feb. 25th.

It's subtle, but it's there. I am down 9lbs from when I started.  I was going to take measurements today too, but I couldn't find my measuring tape. Which is pretty much the story of my life. lol

Exhaustion is setting in.

I honestly don't know where these mythical endorphins you're supposed to get from exercise are.  I have been really irritable and grumpy lately because I'm just so bone tired.  If I were the person being accused of murder on Legally Blonde, I'd be guilty.  (Exercise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make people happy.  Happy people just don't kill their husbands.)

But I keep slogging on.  I am seeing results.  But I've lost the excitement, so even the results aren't really motivating.  But I keep on swimming.

Thursday makes a month I've been at this.  It's longer than I usually go, and definitely more consistent.  I just hope that eventually those endorphins will kick in and regular exercise will make my energy levels rise.  Until then, I'll just keep on keeping on.

I don't want to make a big deal of it.

My weight I mean.  The number on the scale.  Because when I do, I get fixated, and then when it doesn't continuously go down I kind of go crazy.  Self sabotage. You know, that kind of thing.  So I'm working on just focusing on making time to work out every day and tracking what I eat.  And then if the weight follows, it follows.


But I just have to mention...I have lost 5lbs in the 10 days.  5lbs as of this morning.  Now, my weight bounces around a bit, so I don't know if it won't be up a bit tomorrow, but as of right now, I'm amazed.  The last time I saw this weight was April of last year, and I was sick.  So I am really happy that I am here in a healthy manner.

Small victories.

Invincible

I have been having a pretty good day.  I didn't want to get on that cycle.  I really really really didn't want to.  But I told myself that 1) I couldn't let this be a one-week thing, and 2) I had to finish before I could any of the other stuff I wanted to do.

So I turned on the music, and closed my eyes, and moved my legs.  I didn't want to stare at the display, so I decided I would only look at it at the end of every song.  And since Owen was watching Word World, I didn't feel like staring at that, so I closed my eyes.

I was at 9.8 when the song finished, so I decided that I would just go until the next song finished.

It was about the same amount of time that 10 flat took me last week.  Not only that, but at 6 miles, while I definitely thought about stopping, I didn't feel like I was dying.  I was capable.  I felt tired, but strong.

And then later, I was listening to my Google Play Music playlists, and Kelly Clarkson's Invincible came on.  I've heard the song before, I own the album after all.  But I guess I'd never really listened.  It's now my theme song.

I was running from an empty threat

Of emptiness

I was running from an empty threat

That didn't exist

I was running from an empty threat

Of abandonment

I was running from an empty threat

That didn't exist

But now I am invincible

No, I ain't a scared little girl no more

Yeah, I am invincible

What was I running for

I was hiding from the world

I was so afraid, I felt so unsure

Now I am invincible

And I'm a perfect storm