tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28171187958969927232024-02-02T11:01:05.812-08:00Weighty MattersBrittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-65385873215089753752016-10-03T11:20:00.001-07:002016-10-03T11:20:44.584-07:00After a 6 month hiatus...So, earlier this year after a bunch of blood tests, I was diagnosed with a few severely low vitamin/mineral levels, and that was the cause of me severe fatigue. So I spent the summer taking care of that. Between the allergy shots and the vitamins, I'm feeling a lot better. I started walking in the mornings after taking my 3 Bigs to school. Since my last entry I am down 4lbs, but there was some gain-and-lose-again in the middle there. I'm feeling good though. My walk this morning was 7 miles, according to my fitness tracker.<br />
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<br />Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-80958031188069152122016-03-24T13:54:00.001-07:002016-03-24T13:54:10.981-07:00Month 2I struggled this month. I lost the excitement of the "new thing" and have had a hard time being motivated. I still managed 1 or 2 workouts a week though, so it wasn't a total loss. Which is actually progress for me, because usually I quite altogether by this point. Physically, I am 2lbs lighter than I was a month ago. Pictures, Feb 25 on the left, Mar 25 on the right.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipPFwj3LWfvLObi6rTMVKyLwpGNnhAH2OLQsWp2CB0-o8FwaBn4O4i0MdHF_h7jEgUYX9uZzwtzxjcAZ3OyDQsNrf67Ko7DbZxHyXAiuubW77vLMYWBh2Ojj2__JfJTTCSYGxBuxjcJSVV/s1600/IMG_20160225_075631095_HDR%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipPFwj3LWfvLObi6rTMVKyLwpGNnhAH2OLQsWp2CB0-o8FwaBn4O4i0MdHF_h7jEgUYX9uZzwtzxjcAZ3OyDQsNrf67Ko7DbZxHyXAiuubW77vLMYWBh2Ojj2__JfJTTCSYGxBuxjcJSVV/s320/IMG_20160225_075631095_HDR%255B1%255D.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj58Ip2ypLZlrp82gWqEfvraflQhtxW54xnmkq_3RgNmforXkN1hGVqaM8WRI2n58DRIeiiX7f9WHL2j6Tb5PPj5fcANUwz51e0Ck6cuxkBkrbgB04W6ywan2PATasBtkSAK9SzX84700zn/s1600/IMG_20160324_143259287_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj58Ip2ypLZlrp82gWqEfvraflQhtxW54xnmkq_3RgNmforXkN1hGVqaM8WRI2n58DRIeiiX7f9WHL2j6Tb5PPj5fcANUwz51e0Ck6cuxkBkrbgB04W6ywan2PATasBtkSAK9SzX84700zn/s320/IMG_20160324_143259287_HDR.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-69085492115941496342016-02-25T18:39:00.003-08:002016-02-25T18:43:29.678-08:00Well, it's been a month.A whole month! This has been the most frequently and most consistently I've ever worked out ever. And I still really don't like it. But it's working. Left is Jan. 25th, right is Feb. 25th.<br />
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It's subtle, but it's there. I am down 9lbs from when I started. I was going to take measurements today too, but I couldn't find my measuring tape. Which is pretty much the story of my life. lol</div>
<br />Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-84163178772345572212016-02-22T20:07:00.001-08:002016-02-22T20:07:36.239-08:00Exhaustion is setting in.I honestly don't know where these mythical endorphins you're supposed to get from exercise are. I have been really irritable and grumpy lately because I'm just so bone tired. If I were the person being accused of murder on Legally Blonde, I'd be guilty. (Exercise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make people happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands.)<br />
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But I keep slogging on. I am seeing results. But I've lost the excitement, so even the results aren't really motivating. But I keep on swimming.<br />
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Thursday makes a month I've been at this. It's longer than I usually go, and definitely more consistent. I just hope that eventually those endorphins will kick in and regular exercise will make my energy levels rise. Until then, I'll just keep on keeping on.Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-15342755635476460152016-02-03T14:13:00.002-08:002016-02-03T14:13:25.800-08:00I don't want to make a big deal of it.My weight I mean. The number on the scale. Because when I do, I get fixated, and then when it doesn't continuously go down I kind of go crazy. Self sabotage. You know, that kind of thing. So I'm working on just focusing on making time to work out every day and tracking what I eat. And then if the weight follows, it follows.<br />
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But I just have to mention...I have lost 5lbs in the 10 days. 5lbs as of this morning. Now, my weight bounces around a bit, so I don't know if it won't be up a bit tomorrow, but as of right now, I'm amazed. The last time I saw this weight was April of last year, and I was sick. So I am really happy that I am here in a <i>healthy </i>manner.<br />
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Small victories.Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-49645206864942571522016-02-01T18:47:00.004-08:002016-02-01T18:51:30.290-08:00InvincibleI have been having a pretty good day. I didn't want to get on that cycle. I really really <i>really </i>didn't want to. But I told myself that 1) I couldn't let this be a one-week thing, and 2) I had to finish before I could any of the other stuff I wanted to do.<br />
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So I turned on the music, and closed my eyes, and moved my legs. I didn't want to stare at the display, so I decided I would only look at it at the end of every song. And since Owen was watching Word World, I didn't feel like staring at that, so I closed my eyes.</div>
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I was at 9.8 when the song finished, so I decided that I would just go until the next song finished.</div>
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It was about the same amount of time that 10 flat took me last week. Not only that, but at 6 miles, while I definitely thought about stopping, I didn't feel like I was dying. I was capable. I felt tired, but strong.</div>
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And then later, I was listening to my Google Play Music playlists, and Kelly Clarkson's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQNqaERUYy4">Invincible</a> came on. I've heard the song before, I own the album after all. But I guess I'd never really <i>listened</i>. It's now my theme song.</div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was running from an empty threat</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Of emptiness</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was running from an empty threat</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That didn't exist</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was running from an empty threat</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Of abandonment</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was running from an empty threat</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That didn't exist</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But now I am invincible</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">No, I ain't a scared little girl no more</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yeah, I am invincible</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What was I running for</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was hiding from the world</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was so afraid, I felt so unsure</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now I am invincible</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.1429px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And I'm a perfect storm</span></span></div>
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Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-13999490305005009632016-01-28T13:49:00.002-08:002016-01-28T13:49:19.849-08:00Dear Body,I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I haven't been good to you. I'm sorry for all the times that I have thought that you weren't good enough, for all the petty little details I've expressed hate toward, for always wishing to have some other, better body.<br />
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I don't need a better body, because you are good.<br />
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Because, truthfully, all those things I don't like are a reflection of choices I've made. Choices of what was easy over what was hard. Of what was less painful over what was strengthening. Of what tasted good over what <i>was </i>good.<br />
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Even through all of that, you have <i>never</i> failed me. You have done ever single thing I have ever asked. Even when it's really really hard.<br />
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So thank you, body. For giving me 5 beautiful babies, as hard as that was for both of us. For functioning at a good level even when I don't give you the best fuel. For being strong, and getting stronger.<br />
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Please be patient with me as I learn to love you like I should. Re-learning thought patterns is almost more difficult than starting new habits, but I'm trying. Because you are good. And you deserves someone who loves you.Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-70095334731566879352016-01-27T15:10:00.000-08:002016-01-27T15:10:06.886-08:00I didn't want to.I really didn't want to work out today. But I forced myself into it. I forced myself to change into workout clothes.<br />
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And then I turned on my wii fit and did a body test. I had done one on April 18th, and it depressed me. I probably wouldn't have turned it on again for ages if Adrienne hadn't challenged me. At that point I had set my "goal" to lose 2 lbs in 2 weeks. You know, pretty unambitious. lol<br />
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Anyway, I got on today. I hadn't worked out again since the 18th until this week. And the little balance board icon guy informed me I was .2 away from my goal. Wow! That should be a cinch by next Monday, right?<br />
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And instead of doing 10 miles on the cycle today, I decided to do some zumba instead. <br />
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I didn't want to. I really didn't want to. But I did. I'm in the process of teaching myself a new way to think. I've spent so much of my life avoiding. Avoiding things that hurt. Avoiding things that are hard. <br />
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But being uncomfortable, in pain even, isn't always bad. And it doesn't have to control me.<br />
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To paraphrase Oprah from her weight watchers commercial that plays on hulu, "2016 will be the year of my best me."Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-41064913531993230372016-01-26T13:13:00.001-08:002016-01-26T13:13:46.795-08:00Standing up to my demon: an updateSo, my son's dentist appointment didn't take as long as I thought this afternoon, so I found myself with some extra time, and I decided to go ahead and try to finish my 10 miles from this morning. I was fully prepared to stop if my hip started acting up again. I was also pleasantly surprised to see that the bike still had my 6 miles from this morning in memory.<br />
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So it was hard. It was really really hard. Harder than the 6 miles from this morning. Harder than all 10 miles together yesterday. But I kept at it as long as my hip let me.<br />
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Which was at four miles again. Which was all I needed anyway.<br />
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I am so proud of this. Take that demon! I can do hard things!!<br />
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<br />Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-80324807294578505402016-01-26T10:35:00.000-08:002016-01-26T10:36:47.071-08:00Biggest loser: internal negativityI have mixed feelings about the show The Biggest Loser. On one hand I'm inspired by the people and their stories, and on the other hand, it paints a really unrealistic light for actual people living in actual life and how they can lose weight. I haven't watched the last several seasons after being an avid watcher, but I decided to again, mostly because I was kind of in a showhole and I needed something to watch.<br />
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Anyway, start today. I took my big kids to school and I wanted nothing more than to go right back to bed. But I didn't. I decided to get on the exercise bike first off to get it out of the way. The seat is really uncomfortable and my bum was still really sore from yesterday, but I did it anyway.<br />
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Mile 4 I started getting shooting pains through my hip down to my knee, but I could shift position and have it go away. By mile 6, it was constant, and it was excruciating. So I stopped. I didn't want to risk really hurting myself. <br />
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And for a while I was okay, but as time went on, I started feeling guilty. I should have powered through. I was just too weak. You know, all those negative thoughts that pop up.<br />
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So then I was watching the most recent episode of Biggest Loser while making lunch for me and my kids. There was a part where Bob had all the contestants and they were basically doing a group therapy session. After talking to a couple people he says "There's a demon inside you, and he's a liar. He is a <i>liar.</i> Feeding your head with all those negative thoughts. It's time to stand up to him."<br />
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So I am standing up to my demon. Today is a victory.<br />
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I could have gone back to bed, but instead I <i>chose </i>to work out. I could have stopped at four miles, but I <i>chose </i>to keep going.<br />
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Those are victories. Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-54123914957455325832016-01-25T12:18:00.001-08:002016-01-25T12:18:31.686-08:00Let's see what it does to us.My weight loss journey has been one of endless starts and stops and giving up. It's frustrating. It's annoying. But I'm finally beginning to feel like I'm in a groove after Owen's birth (TWO YEARS ago!). I feel like I have more of a handle on life.<br />
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Anyway, a few days ago my sister said to me, "You have an exercise bike, right? I just set mine up. Let's do 10 miles a day on weekdays and see what it does to us."<br />
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Today was day one, but it seems to have been exactly what I needed. We have two goals: 10 miles a day on the stationery bike, and to track what we eat. We don't have any weight goals. We don't have any size goals. We don't even really have any food goals other than keeping track, because we both tend to eat better when we're tracking it, anyway.<br />
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So today is day 1. Again. But in the end, all the other day 1s don't really matter. Today, I have done 10 miles on my bike, and tracked everything I've eaten so far.<br />
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It can only go up (or down really) from here.<br />
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<br />Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-18529180960380039412014-07-12T20:32:00.002-07:002014-07-12T20:32:35.096-07:00Falling flat on my faceRepeatedly. <br />
<br />
<br />
That's what it feels like. Right when I think I have my feet under me again, I'm tripping up again.<br />
<br />
<br />
This is so, so, so frustrating.<br />
<br />
<br />Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-71215567823521501252014-04-07T15:14:00.001-07:002014-04-07T15:14:39.875-07:00Letting go of your excuses is so, so hard......and yet so, so liberating.<br />
<br />
I've got 4 kids, days get a little crazy.<br />
I am tired.<br />
I don't have time.<br />
The room I'd be exercising in is the playroom, and often you can't see the floor, so I'd have to clean up before exercising.<br />
Healthy food isn't as easy to just grab as unhealthy food.<br />
<br />
So I can't.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I got tired of my internal whining this weekend. I got tired of my own excuses. I came home from picking up my son from preschool, put my daughter down for a nap and then fed my baby. The baby likes to be held when he's awake, but I just put him in his swing, scooped all the toys into the bins (instead of spending the time actually organizing them like I like) and told Patrick to stay out from under my feet. My first grader came home before I was even really started, so I told her to leave me alone too.<br />
<br />
I hate exercising when all my kids are home, because they're so distracting, but I did it anyway.<br />
<br />
I put the first grader in charge of the baby, who eventually fell asleep, and I did an hour of zumba. And then had some baby carrots (and a small handful of M&Ms).<br />
<br />
After the workout, I feel good. I feel more in control of my life.<br />
<br />
Bring on tomorrow.Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-4483198074974239052014-02-08T21:05:00.003-08:002014-02-08T21:05:44.198-08:00It doesn't matter where you begin...I took this picture a week and a half ago.<br />
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It was my new, post-partum starting pic. And then I made the mistake of comparing it to my last few before pregnancy and it triggered a depressed, self-sabotaging binge spiral during which I've gained an additional 4 pounds.<br />
<br />
I've really been struggling with wondering why I should even bother. I *adore* my son, but it's been so frustrating to watch my hard work disappear as I just stand there helpless. So I've wallowed. And I'm good at wallowing. Problem with that, though, is that it's hard to get out sometimes.<br />
<br />
On Wednesday I was going through the $1 section at Michael's when I saw a stamp that said "It doesn't matter where, just begin." I wasn't in a place to just jump on it right away, but I've been letting it percolate.<br />
<br />
It doesn't matter that I am no longer where I was before. It doesn't matter where you begin...just do it.<br />
<br />
Just begin. Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-91491804035088426762013-04-12T07:48:00.004-07:002013-04-12T07:48:35.608-07:00Negligible weight change, but...This was February 11<br />
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March 23<br />
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and April 12<br />
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The first two are both 190lbs, the last at 188lbs. And I just found out I'm pregnant again, so that last one has a little early pregnancy bloat in it. My body is changing, even though the number on the scale isn't really. It's good to see.
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<br />
And now I weigh less than I did on Friday, so I guess I freaked out over nothing.Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-58439646176374820592013-03-04T07:24:00.001-08:002013-03-04T07:24:21.987-08:005 poundsI weighed 191 on Saturday. I weighed 196 on Sunday. Yes, I fell off the workout wagon, but did pretty good otherwise. Why would I stay a steady 191 the week I take off, and then GAIN 5 POUNDS when I start up again?<br />
<br />
I want to cry, I'm so frustrated.Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-77227809974277002982013-02-28T21:03:00.000-08:002013-02-28T21:03:33.766-08:00It's hard to climb back on once you fall offSo, for the past week I found myself obsessing, and really getting depressed about everything. And I decided to take a break and not think about it for a while, and I fell off. And it's SO HARD to get back going once you get stuck.<br />
<br />
But...tomorrow's not only a new day, but a new month too! Here we go, up again!Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-78850433264422035032013-02-22T06:41:00.002-08:002013-02-22T06:41:51.788-08:00And then frustration sets in.This is probably the point where I always give up. I weighed in last Friday at 190lbs. By Tuesday I was up to 193 <i>and I hadn't really binged or anything.</i> There wasn't any real cause I could figure for the gain. Luckily I'm down to 191 again, but I spent the whole week just wanting to cry.<br />
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<br />
I hate this, I really do. What's the point in continuing if it stops working?Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-70727910650127996672013-02-16T14:29:00.000-08:002013-02-16T14:30:31.187-08:00I finished.3 weeks ago Husband come home with a copy of EA Sports Active 2 for the Wii for me. I decided to try it out. I quit halfway through the workout. I had the excuses of needing to make dinner (it could have waited another 15 minutes) and I couldn't breathe (kind of a big issue....), but in the end, I quit. <br />
<br />
So today I tried a workout of equivalent intensity/duration. It helps that I remembered I have an inhaler (it had been prescribed because I had a bad cough that looked like it was heading toward pneumonia, but it's useful when my lungs stop working during exercise as well), but that didn't cure everything. There was a point (about the same moment in the workout, actually) where I had to stop and focus on my breathing and I was really tempted to just stop. But I didn't. I gave myself that minute and then I kept going. There was a lot of chanting "You can do this," and focusing on just one movement and then the next, but I kept going.<br />
<br />
And I finished.<br />
<br />
Honestly, physically, I feel like crap. My lungs hurt. I can't take a deep breath. My knee is killing me. And because I used my inhaler, my head hurts. But, <i>I finished. </i>And the accomplishment I feel is worth feeling like crap right now.Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-38743913350744832882013-02-15T07:03:00.000-08:002013-02-15T07:03:23.462-08:00Weekly weigh in<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is technically a 2 pound loss from last Friday. But as per my post on Monday, I haven't lost any appreciable weight. I blame the cookies and soda. Stupid stress eating, I really *do* need to find something better.Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-41482956985789606812013-02-14T15:32:00.002-08:002013-02-14T15:32:41.790-08:00Oh stress.The hardest part of weight loss for me is handling stress. When I get stressed out, I want something sweet to eat. Usually cookies.<br />
<br />
I'm still trying to find something else that works. I know they say exercise releases stress, but...not for me it doesn't. So I'm trying to find something I can do that doesn't require me to ingest something.Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-82087810800384641102013-02-12T07:00:00.000-08:002013-02-12T07:00:09.187-08:00Tell me about your childhood...I majored in psychology when I was in college. Seems ironic, I think, since I was in therapy at the time for intense depression and anxiety (which was actually caused by an undiagnosed thyroid disorder). The thing I didn't so much like about the idea of psychotherapy, though, was that it seemed to lay all of a person's problems at the feet of their parents. I believe a person is responsible for their own reactions to circumstances, for the most part, but I do also know that many reactions are taught by emulating the parents.<br />
<br />
So that makes me think about my own mother. Now, I'm not at all blaming my mother for my body image issues. But I can see where <i>her </i>body image issues laid the foundation for mine. I remember my mother yo-yo dieting a lot. And her focus was on the weight and how much she had to lose and how dissatisfied she was with her weight. And when we talked about whether food was healthy or not, things that were unhealthy were said to "make you fat."<br />
<br />
Nothing is wrong with that, really, I don't think. But I think through that I learned a focus on weight. And then, when I started to gain somewhere between 3rd grade and 5th grade and the bullying came, my peers taught me that because of my body I had no worth. I had one particular girl who was rather awful, and got up in my face a couple of times and told me because I was fat, I was ugly, and destined to be alone for the rest of my life. Nobody would love me because I was fat. Because of my weight, I was gross, disgusting, something not only to be avoided, but discarded with as much force as you can muster (not her actual words, but that was the understood gist of things). And the rest of the class joined in. She would say things loudly and everyone else would laugh, and the teachers would do nothing...passive-agressively enforcing it.<br />
<br />
When you're 10~11 years old, when you're told that enough by those around you, you start believe them. So I ate, and read. I didn't want to go outside and do anything. I didn't want to be seen. And when I ate cookies, or ice cream or whatnot, I felt good. Well, you know, not good but good in the way that food brings. And I read some more, because I could be in that world, and be the heroine, the one that everyone loves and needs. Which only caused more weight gain. Which of course only made me hate myself more.<br />
<br />
I tried to lose weight on and off. The first few pounds would come off fairly easily, and then it would stop and I would get frustrated. What's the point of going through all that effort when it doesn't work? Of course, I'm pretty sure that my thyroid disorder developed sometime around when the weight gain started, and while it was undiagnosed, I WAS fighting a losing battle. I've started to forgive myself for those failed attempts, but in the end, I also gave up.<br />
<br />
So here I am now. I've already had one small plateau (really?? I plateaued during a time when I lost 13lbs in one month?), but I forced myself through it. We'll see what really happens when I have a BIG plateau, but for now, I'm feeling better about things than I usually do at this point.<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm being very conscious of what I say around my daughter, as well. I try to talk about my health, not my weight. When we discuss foods, I try to say things like "Let's not get donuts, because they're not very healthy for you" as opposed to saying "they'll make you fat." She's a tall girl, and is at the top of the weight chart for her age because she's off the chart for height. She's going to weigh more than the other girls her age, and I really don't want her to feel like I did because of her weight. Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817118795896992723.post-25578757058806450142013-02-11T15:43:00.002-08:002013-02-11T15:43:51.673-08:00Again.This is my 2nd try at a weight loss blog. I'm using it more as a diary, just to get my thoughts about my weight and body out into the open rather an internalizing it all. <br />
<br />
Another reason I titled this first post "again" is because here I am, trying to lose weight <i>again. </i>I go in cycles of doing well with loss, and then crashing and gaining it all again. And again. And again. And I'm tired of it. <br />
<br />
So far this year I've lost nearly 13lbs. Or 14. I can't remember where I started at. Maybe 204lbs or 203lbs.<br />
<br />
Anyway, for the second day in a row I'm at 190 (I'm not going to use decimals here. Makes it easier to remember). I haven't been in the 180s for 2 1/2 years. My goal for right now is 175, which was my weight when I got married and which I haven't seen for nearly 8 years now. But my weight at my first pregnancy (183) is what I got down to before. I'm sort of afraid of getting down to it again and, again, crashing. I'm afraid I can't do this. I'm afraid I can't make it stick.<br />
<br />
<br />
But there are a few differences this time. This time I'm focusing more on my <i>health </i>and not my <i>weight. </i>The end results should be the same, but the frame of mind is different, and I think this one might be better. I'm excited for it, as well as afraid. Inside of me there <i>is </i>a feeling of empowerment that I'm trying to focus on and give a place to grow.<br />
<br />
So here I am, 5'6.5", 190lbs<br />
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<br />Brittaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09163482845611038936noreply@blogger.com0